INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 4
COOKING AND BUYING GIFTS
What is your love language? Did you shower the woman you are interested in with gifts and spend your time with her? And then cook for her even though you have not done that for years?
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Hi Everyone. Welcome back to WLW Podcast. I have been thinking for quite sometime and decided that in this episode why not we talk about gestures. Gestures is basically one of the signs of love or a sign when we are interested in someone.
Did you ever realized that when you deem someone special, automatically you will be buying gifts for her, paying for her food or stuffs even though she refused? For other friends, yeah you do too but you don’t act too much or there is a certain limit. And when the other extreme is you end up cooking for her? Or buy cookies or food to be sent to her place?
Initially, I didn’t even think about this. I have read these many times or heard people say it but I didn’t even noticed it until recently. In fact, I thought that just giving it is a natural gesture to a friend. But I realized that I only did this towards specific people. So in fact I have done this many times over the past years.
Years years ago, I remember now when I was discreetly interested in my best friend in secondary school. I have mentioned about this in the earlier episode but I didn’t talk too much about this person. I remember getting for her bread, buy gifts that I could afford during that time. And also, whenever I wrote cards for her, I will write in length filled with words and wishes that will not leave any space on the card. It is very obvious that I can still remember those moments. Now I realized why the other friends of mine even asked me why I wrote for her very long wishes but theirs is only like Happy Chinese New Year or Merry Christmas only.
Then, a few years later when I hang out with a guy friend, this was about when I was in my mid-20s. That was the only guy which I had made some effort to bake a homemade pizza for him which is of course a nice gesture but also it was because it was like an exchange for his famous layered cake.
And when it comes to recent years which is for the past 13 years, ermmm I don’t remember making anything specially to anyone even though I have a crush on the person.
This gesture came back to me only recently. I am not sure whether it is because I have time to cook and consciously having the thoughts to send gifts. But I am pretty sure this is abit different from those others because I don’t remember sending any gifts to my friends recently except her.
I believed you guys have experienced this before somewhat in your lifetime at least once. Did you spend your money more towards a certain friend? Or you will say “Hey it’s ok, I will pay for you” whenever you guys go out. Or you will buy for her stuffs whenever you meet up? Or you know you cook for her even though it is not your forte to cook.
If you are a straight person, and you noticed a friend of yours who is a girl does this to you very often, I hope you don’t take advantage of the situation. And if ever you are not interested with her in a romantic way, I don’t know what you should do but please do not lead her to something that you don’t believe. Because remember karma. She might not do anything like argue with you, or defend herself, but if you don’t stop yourself from leading her on, the repercussions are not only to her but yourself.
I am speaking on behalf of myself when I experienced being straight when going out with guys over a decade ago. I didn’t realize that I was leading them on until when the time comes when they want something more serious than just a friendship. So, whatever my excuses were during that time, I still blame myself for doing something that could meant something else to those guys. Like spending time with me thinking that I like them too or enjoying myself with them. Frankly, genuinely I didn’t think of that except for one guy which was the last guy I went out with. That was like intentional when I wanted to test myself and my inclination. That is it. However so far, that guy was cool and quite a gentleman. So I was quite lucky that time that I met someone who is nice.
So, what should you do if you are in love or interested in a girl. Should you straight away pamper her with gifts and showing off your cooking skills doesn’t matter whether the gifts are expensive or not, as long as you could afford it?
For me it will depend on the settings. Like if I pay for this ex-classmate of mine whom I like a bubble tea, which is fine because it doesn’t cost much. And I had intentionally chose the bubble tea flavour same as hers just to signal to her. Then there was one-time I paid for her lunch when we were having one with our other friends. So, basically, I didn’t expect much from her just symbolism that she is different and special to me compared to the others.
Just for your information, most of those friends whom I had crushes on are taken as in have a boyfriend or married in a straight way. I don’t like to destroy marriages even though sometimes my brain said love is love or love wins. But if I have a choice, I will not do anything to what I feel except for flirting and let myself do things that could make me feel I have achieved something like if they respond with a smile, that makes me happy. Or if they flirt back, I will be happy. But not more than that. However, if one day it will happen that there is a response not just a minor response, I think I will let time decide.
As for the one I wrote to and about in my new book, Letters of a Thousand Speeches, she is the only one that I did to this extent. Like sending food and gifts to her home, paying for her food or drinks when we go out with friends, and also the last gesture I had with her was to cook a birthday spread for her like I was so surprised.
For the past 10 years, I have never cooked for a girl. But this I did. Oh wait, I did one time and send to that neighbour of mine whom I have a crush with. By the way, I heard she is back from Australia now as in while I am recording this. I have been hoping to see her downstairs my apartment for the past week. Hahaha but part of me also said, “Eh, not again!” Because if this happens, it will be repetition of what had happened like 4 or 5 years ago. It will be a repetition, like a cycle. I decided to tell myself, Stop, No.
Did you all ever noticed the cycle of life? Like sometimes some things happened in cycle. Same situation but in 5 to 10 years later. Like for instance, you went to your friend’s house to collect cookies on 5 June 2018, then on 5 June 2020, you are at her house again for lunch. So in my case, this is like 6 years ago, when I decided it is time to move on from her, I had my attention to this neighbour of mine. She was the one I met during election day, if you followed my story earlier. Then now, it happens again. But also, at the back of mind, I really want this time to be something different. I cannot say it.
Back to the Letters of a Thousand Speeches storyline, so when I cooked the birthday spread for my friends, I have my well-prepared excuses to those other two friends because they will be wondering why I had cooked like 6 dishes for her birthday although that birthday celebration is for our friend’s birthday that falls on the same month. The excuse was, “Hey, she put in so much effort to cook when celebrating our birthdays that day. If we were to buy this time, it clearly shows that we don’t put in effort.” Pfffttt.. anyone who trust me on that reasons I gave, really, I don’t know what to say.
So now, whether you want this to be discreet or not to your other spectators especially the girl you like, is really up to you. You might not be able to decide now but thinking about the entire time you have spent with her, do you want those to be wasted and she still think you are just a good friend?
Personally, whenever I did this for the past years, I did not even thought about me liking that person. I was not aware at all that my actions was an automatic response to my feelings towards those friends I was into. Like I said only the many things that happened recently made me aware of what those actions actually meant to me. And this time I didn’t stop myself from doing so. Why should I? If they don’t feel the same way is okay. They have their own life which they can choose the best for themselves. While I chose to entertain myself and show them my affection through those gifts and words and also my time. And I chose that way and so far, have and still satisfied about whatever I had committed myself to. So, whatever you decide for yourself, just make sure that you decide it logically too yeah.
One thing I realized though that these girls are genuinely happy when I did that to them. Even the girl that I spent time with when I was having vacation in Canada. She spent her time cooking for me breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner. She called me to her place. So, when I gave some stuffs to her or pay for our lunch and dinner outside, it is like a give and take response. Like I think it is some kind of a human nature that they could feel that it is a genuine gesture, of course sometimes people probably might not even noticed what it is. It doesn’t matter.
So if ever you feel like making something nice to that girl you are interested in doesn’t matter at which level is your cooking skills, just do it! If you ever feel like you want to pay for her meals on that day, just do it! Because I feel like time is short. You will not know what will happen later or days after when the feelings faded or when there is no other time that you could do the same thing. Whenever you are doing these, for me I believe like, be at that moment and it is okay if she doesn’t feel the same way towards you. At least you tried.
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TRAILER - Letters of a Thousand Speeches by S.Sulianah