WLW Podcast S1 Episode 8 Transcript | Written and Produced by S.Sulianah | Winter Scribbler Publishing

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Before I go ahead with episodes and episodes of telling the stories of the poems I wrote in Masterpiece in Your Heart and my new book, I guess it is fair enough that I would talk about the only one guy whom I really feel I like or probably I was in love with during that time.


This is not including the crush I had with my class monitor in my primary school though. I guess to be safe we don’t discuss that cos I was interested in him in some way, but I don’t think I kept thinking about him for years.

​This poem was written specially about him around April 2014 called “A Decade of You”

WLW Podcast is also featured in the Top 20 Lesbian Podcasts You Must Follow (#11) by feedspot.com ​

A decade
It has been more than a decade
Seems there are still layers of you in me
Though I had tried to peel off every minute of them

Every time someone mentions your name
I am speechless
Makes me smile

Every time I see pictures of you
My heart beats with no sense of rhythm

We never had been serious with this
Not official
Yet it seems you are the only one
I had my heart strings on
Till this very moment

When I heard about your parents
It was heartbreaking
I could not hold myself
I then understood

A decade

I could not stand your tonality
Your sarcasm
Those unpleasant words
That you imparted to our friends

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In spite of these
I was never treated the same
Like you treated them

Pleased

Your stutters
Your enthusiasm
Your intelligence
Your dreams
Your hopes
Your eagerness
Your efforts in your interests

Your smile
That smile I knew
It was always different for me

Your support and excitement
When I had the highest scores on my math test
Your smiles whenever our eyes met
Those times you glanced at me
when you passed by my class

Our exchanges of hi every time we were outside the teachers’ office
The handshakes and wishes when we were the top students in our school
Those glorious moments

Then
The distance
I do not know what it was exactly

Me and my dreams
Me and my ego
Me and my fear
Me and my what-ifs
Me and myself

I am not regretting that I said no
Yet I am still wondering what if I had said yes
Those possibilities that I could not imagine

I tried to untangle my heart for someone else
To get rid of all this and you
Over the years

I do not intend to turn back
To apologize
To say yes

I chose this way

Life, it says
One will meet
With those who deserve each other

This was the last poem I wrote about this guy who studied in the same secondary school. He was my classmate.

I think of all guys, genuinely I feel like I don’t mind if I ended up getting married to him. When in secondary school, he is like one of the most hardworking guys there. Okay, can I just say what I meant here. I believe my other guy friends are hardworking too, but since this is about a poem I wrote about someone, can you just give me some freedom to say something from my own point of view. I hope you guys don’t mind. I hope if one day my other schoolmates who are guys listened to this podcast, they will not try to debate with me that they are too hardworking, alrite? This is a poem written about someone I like, so I am gonna exaggerate here.
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So, this guy is like the most hardworking and smart guy in school. He can juggle between his commitment in our school band without affecting his studies and results. In fact, he will always be the first in class or top 3 in class.

One of my best friends asked me after we left school, she wondered why I even like him when he will always raise his voice to her or the others? Then I told her, when he talked to me, he talked softly and gently. He is not being abusive or anything to you guys maybe because you irritate him.

Anyway, just so you all know, it was a mutual feeling between him and me. Just that when he asked me to be his girlfriend during that time through our friend I said “No! For What?” Well, I replied to my classmate in a high tone voice.

If you are curious why I raised my voice, firstly, I was surprised, secondly, hello please, I come to school to study not to find boyfriends and thirdly, I don’t have enough experience to handle this type of situations. So, well.. hence that kind of reaction from me.

But I really respect him though. He still didn’t take it to heart and we still stole glances with each other or smile to each other when he passed by our classroom.

Most of the time,  I will find reasons to go to the third floor where the teachers’ lounge are, when I saw him going down, but I did with reasons like to pass attendance sheet to my teacher or submit classmates’ compiled assignments. Then, we will cross path and will ended up smiling to each other. I don’t remember we talked that much. Mostly smile only. Yeah, funny right?

There was one year for our N Level exam both of us were the top 3 students in our school. He was first and I was the third. That was like one of the best days in my life. Apart from being the top student, sharing that moment with him when we were happy was extremely a wonderful memory.

By the way, he was like the first person to order my first published book and I don’t think he reads it but well his gesture is the most important. He and another important someone were the first people to order my first published book.​
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This podcast is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations.​
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When I wrote this poem, I just met our old friend who was his best friend, at the hospital. Letz call him, Zee. Zee was visiting his wife at the hospital cos they just got a baby. And Zee told me that this guy just lost his dad and mum. And that was when my heart breaks hearing about it. It had been quite some time I didn’t hear about him. I don’t remember social media exist yet during that time maybe facebook was not that popular. But every time I heard about him is when my best friend or some friends who knew about us will randomly update me.
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That was a story from 6 years ago. And now, we are comfortable to follow each other in Facebook and Instagram.

I wanna tell you a funny story on how I ended up following him in Facebook. Actually, I didn’t really follow him. We saw each other in Facebook under our mutual school mate’s pictures but none of us make the first move.

Then, one day in the train, I showed my ex-colleague who is now a friend, Harry. Remember Harry the one whom I went to India with. I showed Harry his profile and then tell him the backstory. Guess what Harry did? With such grace and without a slight hesitation, he clicked the Add Friend button for me. I literally screamed in the train.
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Basically, I can say that the universe works abit weird and many coincidences that happened in our life that we don’t understand. When we no longer have any interest in the person, we will end up seeing them at shopping centres or anywhere randomly. But when we look forward to cross path with certain people, for decades it never happens. 

​To purchase a copy of the second edition of Masterpiece in Your Heart visit Amazon.com or www.winterscribbler.com


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Alright babes, if you have anything that you would like to share regarding your experiences with women whom you were or are still attracted to, pls do share with me. And if you don’t mind me sharing to the listeners in our upcoming episodes, please do indicate it in the email just so I know which is only for my own reading and which can be shared to the others.
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Thank you for listening. And see you all in the next episode.