INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 7
PHASES WHEN MOVIN' ON

Moving on from someone we have feelings for and seems important to us is always a challenging a process. It could take months to years. Whatever the reason will be, when it is time, we have to be courageous to make that decision and make the first step to move out from the past.​​
This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations. ​
Visit www.winterscribbler.com for collections of books, poetry and graphics by diverse talents of artists and writers. 
​

Hi ladies. Welcome back.

I am sure you guys out there are more experienced than I do in terms of handling love stories, romantic relationship with women, accidentally falling in love with your best friend, break ups and those similar to whatever I have been experiencing.

But I really need to say that I feel like I did go through phases when I was handling this the first time. Actually, after writing the final letter telling her how I feel, my main reason is to just express it out. I didn’t even think about any response except for like leaving me alone and give me that 6 months break that I needed. But I know at the back of my mind that after that 6 months, it will never be the same again. Once I wrote that letter it was like a relieved. Like 100% burden became 0%. When she got that letter, she didn’t understand it at first that is what she told me until I have to explain it to her. So, basically I had to explain 3 times because the second time I explained she didn’t understand.


So, the subsequent thing that happened was she wanted to leave this group of ours and she said that in the future she will make sure that she will choose the correct friends something like that. Alright guys remember earlier I told you I didn’t feel anything. But when she said this, I did feel something. I was like thinking so you are categorizing me as those friends who are no longer in your life because they don’t like you or you don’t like them? I feel like who am I to you? I was like I didn’t hate you, it was the opposite. Then also she said something like this upcoming dinner will be her last time she will hang out with us and we should just continue with each other without her like we used to. At first I replied, what if I come for this dinner. Will u stay? And she said yes probably. But guess what happened? I did not show up. You guys will hate me when I said this, but I think by not showing up was the best solution during that time.


Firstly, the day before the dinner I came across a phrase by a speaker on relationships. He said that if someone has said something like, if you do this, then I will do this in relationships doesn’t matter friends or partners, this is considered not a healthy relationship. It is considered like blackmailing. I was looking for a final decision actually to make for that day and I found it. Apart from that also, I did ask a friend’s opinion too and he supported my decision.
These phase which I went through was like from my perspective. I am sure she has her own and I respected that whatever it is. Frankly, she is one of the most wonderful people I know whom I am glad I met her and I don’t regret feeling like this towards her.

Okay wait we are talking about the phases right.
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And so the next phase that I went through was ignoring text messages and calls from that group of friends we are with. I am not sure whether she told them but she did say she might because she cannot keep lying to them. So, I told her “Well, up to you.” I cannot stop her from doing so. Let me be clear, if she tells them means it is the same like I am already out of the closet with them so you get it. But I don’t really want to delve into that.

Then during December to January, my mind will sometimes travel to thoughts that reminded me of the times we were together but in the bad way. Like what are her bad characters, her unpleasant personality, how I felt she used me in some way, how she shouldn’t even try to contact with me after 3 yrs of disappearing from my life, how she only added me in Instagram after she get married, how she left 6 years ago and not tell me that she is leaving (even though sometimes I did the same with my other friends like is a normal thing and my friends did that to me too but I don’t care). All these unpleasant characters and situations will be flashing in my mind but eventually what I did was I will shut it off.


Then there are always these thoughts of being with her like I always think of. So normally I will imagine some stuffs with her but in this recovering phase I have to replaced it with someone else. And every time she appeared in my dreams, I will cut it out with other figures.

This phase is like putting in 1000% effort to forget 10,000%.

But sometimes I will let my mind chill and let my heart feel what it wanted. Because why controlled it right. Especially when recently I listened to Cardigan by Taylor Swift, Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo, Sofia by Clairo and the song Surrender by Natalie Taylor. The lyrics just fit into my story at the moment so I will let myself feel whatever it wants. This is basically the few phases.
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Sometimes, throughout this process, I will keep telling myself that I was the one who wanted to take the risk to be as close to her. So, I should not regret any of my decisions.


Then the next phase would be, I will ask her, more like visualizing like as if she is right in front of me. I was telling her like, if you did not approach me like how you did at the rooftop bar, I will not be in this position. I was fine that time and I roughly knew that you are not interested especially when you kept talking about how you are still in love with your ex-boyfriend and that you are straight. I was alright like 6 years ago but when what you did with me that night, it makes something and everything different.

Then I will ask her again, so all those attentions and you being so physically close to me every time we are together, what are those gestures, what does it mean? Is that how you behave with your friends? Do you hold your friend’s hand like that? Did you flush your body with your friends like that? Is it common to pull your friend towards the back of your body like that? Right, okay maybe not about the food that you made for me only like the fried rice paste etc. I mean those are subjective like how friends do to their friends, maybe for you. I don’t know. Maybe you did. Because I don’t but anyway it doesn’t matter anymore because whether it is small or just a slight touch, it doesn’t mean anything to you anymore. So, basically this is like a visualization when I don’t have the chance or I don’t want to speak to her directly.
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Guys, remember I mentioned also about jealousy. How I felt jealous when she is proud to take photo with one of our friends than with me. Or how she don’t mind to be associated with her in photographs than with me. Or how she seems like she don’t mind if that friend of ours flushed her body towards her when they were taking photo. Yeah, those jealousy sometimes did flash in my mind just as an excuse for me to tell myself that I have made the right decision to leave.​
In total, this is the second month of the phase to forget her 10,000%. I know this time will work out better than how I did years ago. Because I know there is no coming back.

And my last phase was to write these into poems and finally this book Letters of a Thousand Speeches. This is somewhat like I am not courageous enough to tell her in person, but I don’t mind telling the whole world. (Laugh)


I have treasured her differently than my normal friends that is what is very obvious. I mean as I said she is that wonderful person but she is actually a strong person too. I wrote the poem Perfect Everything which is inspired by when I was interacting with her. I have always respected her because she respects me. I don’t remember her raising her voice to me, said mean things towards me or about me directly. She used bad words but not to me except when explaining some things about other people. She is actually a very good listener which is difficult to find in friends and I will always feel comfortable telling her things that I never tell others.


I mean apart from that she is also gorgeous, stunning, tall, slender, and every time whenever we are together, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. Sometimes I tried to look away, but my hindsight will always check her out. She has this beautiful smile that is genuine. Not forced. Like every time she smiles at me, I find it beautiful especially with that dimples that she used to let me touch it. And she is also a great cook, clean, and hardworking. The only thing I cannot stand about her is when she gets angry with someone or when she will distanced herself like as if she is avoiding you.  
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Anyway, guys I think I should end this episode here. I will see whether I will continue talking about this in the next episode or we will talk about other matters. Remember, I am not here to advise you on relationship with women. I am not the right person to do that. You guys probably have more experiences than I do. Here, I am just sharing the poems I wrote about and how it came about. Also, on anything that could relate to the struggles when I ended up falling in love or interested in the women in my life connecting it to the creative writings we see in song lyrics, poems and characters in TV and movies.  ​​​​
Alright guys. I am gonna end this episode here. To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, it is now available in Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and other online bookstores. If you purchase directly from our website (www.winterscribbler.com), you will be getting the book at a better rate. Currently, we have a gift box which is called the book release package is already available for purchase in our website. ​​
​
For the live recording of this podcast, pls visit ourYouTube channel Winter Scribbler. The link to the video and the episode transcript is available in our website. 

To support us in creating more contents, be our patron and receive additional benefits with your membership such as free books from our publishing company, behind the scenes episodes, tutorials and many other benefits linked to our sister company, Grapholistic International.

At the meantime, I will see you in the next episode. Take good care of yourself. Bye.

​
To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, visit Amazon.com or www.winterscribbler.com
  
You can also contact us for any feedbacks and questions at winterscribbler @ gmail.com
​
TRAILER - Letters of a Thousand Speeches by S.Sulianah

INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 6
FEARS AND WORRIES

Sometimes the questions that I would ask myself is why do I have to worry or afraid that I will fall for someone. Is it because of how it will hurt if this does not work? And if that is the reason, why do I keep letting myself go with it?​​
​
This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations. 
​
Visit www.winterscribbler.com for collections of books, poetry and graphics by diverse talents of artists and writers. ​
All these moments are normally a build-up. I observed that these timelines are repeated throughout the 3 periods which I mentioned earlier. In the book, I had divided into 3 sections separated by symbols in the 3 illustrations. Such as rollercoasters that signify the Universal Studio visit, the infinity pool that signifies the night we had at Marina Bay Sands and also the morning at the pool and etc etc.


Recently, I read through my diary which I wrote in 2007 to 2010. And I realized there is a pattern that I always go through. You can check this pattern in YouTube which I had made into an explainer video. In case you guys can relate to it.

That feeling and thinking which coincides with each other wondering what these are. Because for me yes, I have these feelings before but this time the physical attraction is way beyond normal. There is something else which I have never wanted from those I had crushed with or interested in. During that 2013 phase, I couldn’t understand in which I will talk about this more in the upcoming episodes what is this something peculiar. ​
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We have to go back to the main factor. Which is fear. Have you guys experienced this before? The feelings are too heavy in your heart that it becomes something else. My maximum patience during that time was when she started talking about her ex-boyfriend. And that time she was single and divorced with a kid. So, when she started to say that, I knew that this feeling I was having is one-sided. And that was when my worries became more extreme that I realized I nearly have my 2 feet in the door, and I need to go back. But at that time, I couldn’t because part of me was still with her.


First is always that uncontrollable thoughts that I always have when I feel like I am into it especially in this kind of relationship. I have no idea what is that at first. But then when subsequently, over the years I learnt about myself, I knew then what this is. It is a feeling that I cannot express and so it is bottled up. When I have secured it over time, at any point of time it will explode. Over the years I managed to keep it in my two litre bottle but as of recent I just couldn’t anymore.
Initially I was wondering why. I couldn’t in 2 occasions including this. And I had the courage to express it for the first one and the second one too. Both in writing just so you know because I am not really good at talking about it. Because I don’t know how to, and I will forget what I want to say. And also, I have no courage to tell it out loud.
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I mean like I expect that the person could read me. You expect people could read you. Like everything I did in action are so obvious. In this book, if I remember correctly, I have mentioned that I started to be worried I guess about 5 to 6 times throughout the years. And these times are some of the moments that when she shows her attraction towards me or attention, I will start to get worried. And then when she doesn’t, I will be jealous. I am not sure whether this is normal. But yes, this was what happened.​
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I guess the climax was when I decided to distance myself from her when I feel like she is not interested in me in the way I did towards her. And instead of getting myself dive too deep into this, I was worried I couldn’t get out from whatever this is like usually I did. Maybe because of that, I had to find the reasons to leave. But also apart from that, I really really couldn’t control my feelings this time. Actually, this is the first time in my life that I cried because of someone who make me feel this way. Like I said, I have feelings for those before but I have never shed tears for anyone. I didn’t get moody. I didn’t have no appetite. I didn’t stare into blank space. I didn’t feel like my throat is choke when listening to songs like Driver’s License, Cardigan and Surrender. I have no idea why this time is so different. By the way, listen to Driver’s License by Olivia Rodrigo. This is one of the best songs in my life apart from Taylor Swift. It is one of the epic songs which I can listen on repeat.​​
Over the years, for myself, I have developed my self-esteem which for me is important because apart from me being in this line of coaching people to grow their personality, I knew since then that this will be an essential armour in my life. One thing I am sure that even though I was afraid, worried, or jealous, I am glad it doesn’t affect inside of me. Meaning that I am glad it did not make me feel down about myself, hate myself or even blame myself.


I mean since you guys are listening to this, I would like to insert some words of motivation too if you are struggling to overcome certain challenges in your life. Because I have read and listened to stories and I would understand why situations could demotivate people to pursue their life because of relationships.


What I did was I let myself feel whatever I wanted to feel after I said to her about my overwhelming feelings. That took about 2 to 3 weeks maybe 4 weeks. I couldn’t deny that throughout those weeks, it hurts. I feel really not good like no appetite and all because of that overwhelming feelings I feel. The jealousy is no longer there actually. It was only for a moment that triggered my decision. That is it which is expected because I seldom feel jealous. Sometimes, frankly I have to train myself to feel jealous hahahha because I feel like a rock if I don’t.


Then, what I did was I kept writing my feelings on my diary. And also expressed my feelings in social media where none of my friends are in my friends’ list like tumblr, tiktok and twitter. Oh before I forget. I have never not updated my status in social media since I am in it for the past 13 years, but Harry had suggested to me to not check my social media on the first week of this incident. Because I kept checking her status and updates. I mean so far it was really great. It has been 3 months and I am still not log in to my Facebook and Instagram account. It makes a lot of difference. Just out of the zone of not knowing what is going on is so much difference. And so far I am okay with it. But remember, I am still login into my personal private twitter, tumblr and tiktok where no one knows me and I will always have a good laugh whenever I need it. Means I am still in socializing mode but selectively. If you find it difficult to do that try this kind of method. Because sometimes when we are in the disappointment or upset mode, find ways to entertain yourself. You have to remember that there are other things in life apart from this.
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Basically, these are some ways that I did in practice if in case you need some motivation to overcome similar situations. It is okay I guess to be worried as long as not excessive whenever we feel something towards someone we are interested in. I guess it is also okay to be afraid because if you like a person and it is against your culture, religion or law, I mean you have to decide this yourself. I am actually not even worried or afraid of those but more afraid of how I feel towards the person. I was worried that if she doesn’t feel the same way, it will hurt and break my heart. So, now based on what happened, frankly I did not feel anything at all after telling her how I feel and I didn’t even ask her how she feels towards me because I feel like at this point, her actions after I told her is actually the answer to it, it is like the closure.


But I was surprised that I did not feel anything. I was expecting that I will cry, or like will have no appetite like that time before I wrote that letter so at least I can cut down on the food I have eaten, but I didn’t. But but buttt… okay I cannot continue in this episode because that will be on another chapter and does not suit the title of this episode. Okay I will talk to you again shortly. Click Next!​​
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Alright guys. I am gonna end this episode here. To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, it is now available in Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and other online bookstores. If you purchase directly from our website (www.winterscribbler.com), you will be getting the book at a better rate. Currently, we have a gift box which is called the book release package is already available for purchase in our website. ​​
​
For the live recording of this podcast, pls visit ourYouTube channel Winter Scribbler. The link to the video and the episode transcript is available in our website. 


To support us in creating more contents, be our patron and receive additional benefits with your membership such as free books from our publishing company, behind the scenes episodes, tutorials and many other benefits linked to our sister company, Grapholistic International.

At the meantime, I will see you in the next episode. Take good care of yourself. Bye.

​
To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, visit Amazon.com or www.winterscribbler.com  
​
You can also contact us for any feedbacks and questions at winterscribbler @ gmail.com
​TRAILER - Letters of a Thousand Speeches by S.Sulianah

INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 8
JEALOUSY

The feelings of jealousy can be detrimental in a relationship. They say that that is a sign of love. But most importantly, to what extent? And how do we manage this feeling wisely without affecting our self-esteem?​​
​
This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations. ​
Visit www.winterscribbler.com for collections of books, poetry and graphics by diverse talents of artists and writers. 
​
Hi Everyone. Welcome back to WLW Podcast Episode 8. This episode I would like to talk a bit more about jealousy. This feeling that I noticed keep appearing now and then but let us focused mainly on relationships with the friends or women that we are interested in.


I decided to talk about this because of how it affects decision-making. Like how it affects my decisions for the past 20++ years when I was with those friends I was into. We have heard that jealousy is not a positive feeling in which we all should avoid in relationship especially if it is baseless, too extreme and not justifiable.

I only noticed about this when I read through my past posts in my diary since 2007. And while I was reading those, I drew a mind map summarizing what happened throughout the timeline. To see what was going on and then what I realized is that there is this sense of jealousy that kept appearing when I was with those friends I was interested in.
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Firstly, is at a certain stage, when the situation gets much deeper in terms of unable to understand what is that friendship is all about and wondering whether she feels the same way. This is when the next stage will appear that is instead of asking, we keep quiet about it. In which most of us would agree that asking is a tad too much especially if you have no idea about yourself. Personally, I have never asked. Only recently but that too was also not really asking.


Secondly, this person seems to pay more attention to your friend. This is based on observation. I am not sure if it is about insecurity, but for me I don’t feel like I want to categorize that as insecurity because I really don’t think about “Oh the other person is better than me so maybe she pays attention to her more” or similar to that. In fact, I am the type who actually don’t mind if people don’t pay much attention to me, so I can be by myself. But what if you noticed that this could be the case. I have read some similar stories in social media but I am unable to talk about what they really think of this situation. As long as it is not because you look down on yourself, I feel like it is still going well. Because whatever it is, it still comes back to our personal self. For me the questionings in my mind are basically more like “Hey, am I the only one feeling this way?” or “I don’t think you feel the same way like I do.” Or “Oh wow, so basically you are alright taking photos with her and posting it in your account but not when with me. But then, whenever you hangout with me, you act like as if we are more than just friends.”


Thirdly, when that kind of feelings happened, what do you do? For me, I would respond to it by attaching myself with other friends and show it off to her making it look like this time I will make you jealous. Frankly, when I did it intentionally it doesn’t really work. But if someone else came to me so close and chat with me, or when I mentioned it in social media status, then I see there will be differences. For instance, a few years ago nearly 10 years ago with someone whom I was interested in. The interest level towards this friend was at level 7 to 8 out of 10, just so you can imagine. I just came out with this level of intensity just so it is easier for me to tell this story. So, a classmate of ours, who is a she, came to me and stood so close chatting outside one of the shops at a shopping centre while the other classmates of ours were inside the shop. This classmate of mine were asking me about something but she was really standing so close to me. There was not much space in between us, maybe like half feet. Then, I could see from a glance, I saw this friend of mine. She was actually walking towards an aisle but when she saw us, she changed her mind and she came towards us. And this classmate of mine by reflex distanced herself away from me. Basically, I got this friend’s attention without planning. And it works.


This method, I have done this quite a number of times actually. Frankly, I kind of enjoy it. But it is like a temporary pleasure for me which also doesn’t mean that I understood the responses correctly. I could be over analysing. I mean I will do it again as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone. Because sometimes it is not easy to ask someone and when they are panic they couldn’t tell the truth. Like I will do the same too, you see. You can use someone in a way like how I did provided that the someone whom you are using has no feelings towards you. Because imagine if she or he did and you don’t, it will be hurtful to her isn’t it?
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Okay the fourth part I would like to highlight here is also to see the cause of this jealousy. Is it really coming from within you that you are not confident about yourself? Or something else like avoidance? Or an excuse for you?


Because sometimes it can be because of other reasons like I had explored and identified. As I mentioned, I am confident about myself in many ways. As for this story in Letters of a Thousand Speeches, I mentioned 2 people in 2 phases of this story. Firstly, I don’t feel like they are better than me in any way. I mean they are who they are, their success and background doesn’t affect me at all because I am very appreciative and grateful of who and where I am right now. Throughout those moments, I didn’t even compare myself to them in terms of that way. But but but, I realized something else why I have this jealousy stage in this recent story. Actually, it has been the same thing as 10 to 13 years ago with those friends I was into.


What I realized is that, I was finding the reason to feel this. I guess I was looking for it. It is like a distraction for me just so that I can step out of that feeling or step out of that relationship. It is consistent and a pattern it seems like to me. Alright don’t tell me that “Hey, then it is your fault.” Well, what do you expect me to do? Stay and live with that forever and not move on? When you fall for your friends who are already taken or with somebody else, what is the best option? The gentleman option is to leave right? So then, how to leave? Just leave like that without reasons? No, right? So, you have to find reasons to do what you need to do, isn’t it? Eh ok, these are my reasons. So, what is yours?​
So far, I hope that you guys who is overcoming situations similar to this, are able to cope and solve it. Or at least manage it. For me as long as you are not bringing yourself down, and not harming yourself, it will be a good step to pursue. And if you are brave enough to tell the person, yeah go ahead. You do what you need to do. Everyone of us has a different personality and definitely the way we handle and solve obstacles are not the same.


We have a different type of friends, different kind of environment and different personality and experiences. But whatever it is, I kept repeating that if someone is not interested in you and you know that, remember, that you are worthy of who you are. Your value is more than just that love relationship you have with her or him. There are so many other things to do in life than this relationship or this feeling.

However, if she likes you back, please value the relationship and remember to also value yourself too. Never ever let someone ruled your life or disrespect you in any way. Remember to calm down when it ticks your temper. If you need space from her or your friends, give yourself that space because it will mean a lot to you in the long run.​
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Alright guys. I am gonna end this episode here. To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, it is now available in Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and other online bookstores. If you purchase directly from our website (www.winterscribbler.com), you will be getting the book at a better rate. Currently, we have a gift box which is called the book release package is already available for purchase in our website. ​​​
For the live recording of this podcast, pls visit ourYouTube channel Winter Scribbler. The link to the video and the episode transcript is available in our website. 

To support us in creating more contents, be our patron and receive additional benefits with your membership such as free books from our publishing company, behind the scenes episodes, tutorials and many other benefits linked to our sister company, Grapholistic International.

At the meantime, I will see you in the next episode. Take good care of yourself. Bye.​
To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, visit Amazon.com or www.winterscribbler.com  
​
You can also contact us for any feedbacks and questions at winterscribbler @ gmail.com
​
TRAILER - Letters of a Thousand Speeches by S.Sulianah

INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 5
QUEER LESBIAN CHARACTERS IN TV SERIES AND MOVIES

Lesbian Characters in TV series and movies influenced so much on how we perceive a romantic relationship between women. Some with happy endings while a number made us frustrated with the burns. Brittana, Supercorp, Tala and Laila, Juliantina, Cophine, Wayhaught, Jane and Petra are some of the many relationships we shipped hard.​
​
This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations. 
​
Visit www.winterscribbler.com for collections of books, poetry and graphics by diverse talents of artists and writers. 
​
Hi Ladies.

Today I am going to dive into characters in TV and movies that made a huge impact in some way for us and I can say to myself. Why I decided to talk about this here is because of how somewhat it influenced me in someway to have the courage to write books towards queer direction, watching and commenting in social media of Lesbians icons, following them, watching compilation videos and commenting on them, buying clothes and merchandise with LGBT symbols and flags, and eventually creating this podcast.
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The first ever ever video or movies that I watched, which I was so brave to start watching discreetly if I remember correctly was the L-Word, the movie I Can’t Think Straight, and then Glee for Brittany and Santana’s relationship. In fact, initially I did not want to start watching all these shows because at that time I know that the possibilities is just at the edge for me and I was worried to start watching these shows and I will end up be so true to myself. And when it ever happens, I will know the reasons why I was not interested in having relationships with those guys I was with. Part of me already know at that time why but I feel like I didn’t want to admit. 
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When I watched these shows, the actress portraying those characters were like telling my story. It hits nicely and very gently. And that is why most of these shows that I had eventually watched on repeat like nobody’s business came to me like naturally. 
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These shows like Glee, the ship name Brittana was told to us that it was a push by our late Naya Rivera to the writers to create her actual friendship with Heather on screen especially when the fans kept pushing them about how beautiful their friendship is behind the scene. This was actually one of my favourite couples on TV that made me feel the same struggles of keeping my own good girl reputation. The storyline that focus on denying actually hits so close to me during that time.
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As for the L-Word, it is more of like a generic show based on my analysis. I didn’t really feel that any of the storyline fits my real life. But my favourite couple at that time was Bette and Tina, who are more to the matured category in this series. I find Bette very gorgeous and so fit that I actually had a crush on her. And another couple was Alice and Dana. They are like the chill type couple and I was also into Dana cos she has this personality similar to Bette in terms of physical. Very fit and toned. 
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As for I Can’t Think Straight, this is like the movie that you guys should watch if you haven’t. I talked about this in Season 1. Tala and Laila’s chemistry is something which I would want one in my real life. And as for the storyline, it is like one of the most beautiful on-screen love story between women that you will ever watched. This goes the same too for the movie they both played in The World Unseen played by the same actresses, Sheetal Sheth and Lisa Ray and written by the same writer, Shamim Sarif. 
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If I am not wrong, I did watch quite a number of movies and series with queer contents 10 years ago but it is not as many as current tv shows if you compare. I noticed that there are more lesbian and gay relationships on straight shows today than they used to. Because last time I remember I have to search online. I have to make friends with YouTube viewers who shared the links.


The girl I met who is from Canada who knows my inclinations towards women, once told me hey you should watch this movie called Blue is the Warmest Colour. This was like 2 or 3 years ago. And when I replied, Yeah I already did a few years ago when it was released, she literally stood in silence and stared at me. At that time, I was thinking why was she surprised. Until recently I saw in tumblr a meme that if someone said that they have watched that show, she is confirmed gay. I mean like okay, I was already so clear. But hey I should be the one surprised. How come she watched that show? Haahaha
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Let’s see what else did I missed? Carol! Yes! Carol is like one of those iconic lesbian movies that should not be missed for whatever reason. That was the moment I fall in love with Cate Blanchett! And then I fall harder towards Cate Blanchett in Ocean’s 8. Ohmygod Cate Blanchett in suits!!! AHHH. Oh my goodness. In Carol, the connection Carol has with Therese, the chemistry, that soft gentle gestures, the words when they speak to each other like whispers, their eye contact, ohmygod! So soft! By the way, I am not sure about one thing. Whether I want to be like Cate Blanchett or I want someone like Cate Blanchett.


Okay next…did you guys watch the series, The Good Wife? The Good Wife is generally a straight show but they are very inclusive in terms of their characters. This is one of my favourite shows. I don’t like watching stories about lawyers or law or legal related, but this was an amazing series. The WLW relationship between Kalinda Sharma and Lana Delaney is one of my favourites. I think you guys will agree that they actually are a good-looking couple, and they have like this fiery energy with each other. There is a certain friction and magnetic energy between them. I really shipped them actually especially when they were arguing in the cafeteria and that scene when Kalinda went to Lana’s apartment at night. Did you guys watch that on repeat? I wish that their relationship in the series is longer especially with their strong character.


Okay next one is, Imagine Me and You. Yes, that was also a classic movie. I love it actually. I remember the first time I saw the poster in my hometown’s cinema. I was like woahhh what the hell. It can be broadcasted here? By the way I watched it online cos the screening time slot was at 10pm onwards. I am not the type who watched movies at 10pm onwards. The story is so simple and lovely. The main actor, Lena Headey made my heart melt and like I said the relationship and storyline is simple not that much of a crisis that they had to go through together. I can say that it surely is one of those movies that I had watched on repeat.  


Lets talk about the recently aired movies and couples that I have been watching. Juliantina is one of the famous couple in 2019 - 2020 from the Show Amar a Muerte. Sorry if I pronounced this wrongly. Just google it. Is a relationship name between Juliana and Valentina.


Guys, frankly, I didn’t watch the show but there was one time, I watched a video compiled by someone in Youtube. It is a very long video of all Juliana and Valentina’s scenes from this series only their scenes. Starting from how they met. You know what happened? I ended up watching the videos on a Friday from 10pm to 5am and then continue again the next 3 days. It was quite a lot. Each video is about 20 to 30mins compilation. It was beautifully compiled, and I cried even though I did not watch the entire show. This is one of those beautiful couple in a show with not only their good-looking persona but their chemistry between each other.


Guys, ohmygod how can I forget this. Cophine from Orphan Black. Cophine is one of the epic couple. This is like the upper tier show. Apart from the storyline, the very high level acting from the casts especially who else our star, Tatiana Maslany. Cophine is also one of those series that impacted me in certain way. It somewhat reminds me to be with someone with similar interest and mindset as me. As for fantasy wise, I feel like I will be more suitable as a Cosima and my future partner will be Delphine.
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How entertaining these shows are I believed that there are ships that we hope they could be more than just friends especially with the way they behave towards each other. Well, every time I see comments in these shows’ social media or videos in YouTube, I will sometimes reply, Hey this is what happened in real life. We couldn’t tell that person just because we are afraid that we will lose that friendship with them. We couldn’t read what is in their mind.


A number of those shows are the ships which you guys probably follows, Supercorp from Supergirl. Supercorp is a combination between Supergirl and Lena Luthor. The relationship that we keep shipping. There are so many obvious clues that they both are into each other but the writers did not make any move to make them a couple or at least declare their love for each other. Every time I see them on compilation videos, because I don’t watch the show Supergirl, I will think like I feel like I am Lena Luthor but sometimes I want a girlfriend who is like Lena Luthor. Those moments like staring looks, that kind of smile, eye contact oh my goodness, isn’t that something which is so real in real life.


By the way, I really respect how some tv writers listened to fans’ theories and requests but because it could affect the storyline in some way, they added in a character just so that the other character could be in a relationship with another woman.


Jane the Virgin is not only one of the “you must stay tuned every week” show, I feel like they respect the viewers. There were so many requests in social media to make Jane and Petra be in a relationship with each other because of their chemistry, storyline and friendship. But I guess because it will affect Jane’s storyline which is the main character and also the other guys’ storyline in which in this show even though I am not straight, I like the actors who played in this series. They are like gentleman and respect the viewers’ opinions and don’t argue with them like how some other shows’ actors behaved. I guess you all know what I meant. So, what Jane the Virgin’s writers and showrunners did was to add in another character named Jane AND this Jane is interested in Petra and so does Petra. It was beautifully matched and there are so many sexy scenes. The actress who played the 2nd Jane is also known for some of her other shows with women loving women inclination so basically, she has a good reputation in the lesbian community. I can say Jane the Virgin is one of the best shows I have ever watched in my list.


Other than that, there are shows that I haven’t watch fully only halfway through, which I would like to do a shoutout they are very brave enough and open enough to share their stories in films are Wynonna Earp and One Day at A Time.
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To summarize, these are the shows that actually kind of influenced me in some way to just act normal and feel free to feel what I feel if that is what makes me comfortable. Because if I keep it for so long, the more I deny it, the more it will be consuming my time, energy and mind analysing it and thinking about it. And I feel like I am more at ease now compared to last time. I don’t really care so much whether if I flirt openly with someone I like, it will be obvious or not. In fact, sometimes I purposely do what I wanna do.  
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Alright guys. I am gonna end this episode here. To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, it is now available in Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and other online bookstores. If you purchase directly from our website (www.winterscribbler.com), you will be getting the book at a better rate. Currently, we have a gift box which is called the book release package is already available for purchase in our website. 
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TRAILER - Letters of a Thousand Speeches by S.Sulianah