​INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 4
COOKING AND BUYING GIFTS

What is your love language? Did you shower the woman you are interested in with gifts and spend your time with her? And then cook for her even though you have not done that for years?

This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations. ​
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Hi Everyone. Welcome back to WLW Podcast. I have been thinking for quite sometime and decided that in this episode why not we talk about gestures. Gestures is basically one of the signs of love or a sign when we are interested in someone.


Did you ever realized that when you deem someone special, automatically you will be buying gifts for her, paying for her food or stuffs even though she refused? For other friends, yeah you do too but you don’t act too much or there is a certain limit. And when the other extreme is you end up cooking for her? Or buy cookies or food to be sent to her place?

Initially, I didn’t even think about this. I have read these many times or heard people say it but I didn’t even noticed it until recently. In fact, I thought that just giving it is a natural gesture to a friend. But I realized that I only did this towards specific people. So in fact I have done this many times over the past years.

Years years ago, I remember now when I was discreetly interested in my best friend in secondary school. I have mentioned about this in the earlier episode but I didn’t talk too much about this person. I remember getting for her bread, buy gifts that I could afford during that time. And also, whenever I wrote cards for her, I will write in length filled with words and wishes that will not leave any space on the card. It is very obvious that I can still remember those moments. Now I realized why the other friends of mine even asked me why I wrote for her very long wishes but theirs is only like Happy Chinese New Year or Merry Christmas only.

Then, a few years later when I hang out with a guy friend, this was about when I was in my mid-20s. That was the only guy which I had made some effort to bake a homemade pizza for him which is of course a nice gesture but also it was because it was like an exchange for his famous layered cake.


And when it comes to recent years which is for the past 13 years, ermmm I don’t remember making anything specially to anyone even though I have a crush on the person.

This gesture came back to me only recently. I am not sure whether it is because I have time to cook and consciously having the thoughts to send gifts. But I am pretty sure this is abit different from those others because I don’t remember sending any gifts to my friends recently except her.​​
I believed you guys have experienced this before somewhat in your lifetime at least once. Did you spend your money more towards a certain friend? Or you will say “Hey it’s ok, I will pay for you” whenever you guys go out. Or you will buy for her stuffs whenever you meet up? Or you know you cook for her even though it is not your forte to cook.


If you are a straight person, and you noticed a friend of yours who is a girl does this to you very often, I hope you don’t take advantage of the situation. And if ever you are not interested with her in a romantic way, I don’t know what you should do but please do not lead her to something that you don’t believe. Because remember karma. She might not do anything like argue with you, or defend herself, but if you don’t stop yourself from leading her on, the repercussions are not only to her but yourself.


I am speaking on behalf of myself when I experienced being straight when going out with guys over a decade ago. I didn’t realize that I was leading them on until when the time comes when they want something more serious than just a friendship. So, whatever my excuses were during that time, I still blame myself for doing something that could meant something else to those guys. Like spending time with me thinking that I like them too or enjoying myself with them. Frankly, genuinely I didn’t think of that except for one guy which was the last guy I went out with. That was like intentional when I wanted to test myself and my inclination. That is it. However so far, that guy was cool and quite a gentleman. So I was quite lucky that time that I met someone who is nice.
​
So, what should you do if you are in love or interested in a girl. Should you straight away pamper her with gifts and showing off your cooking skills doesn’t matter whether the gifts are expensive or not, as long as you could afford it?


For me it will depend on the settings. Like if I pay for this ex-classmate of mine whom I like a bubble tea, which is fine because it doesn’t cost much. And I had intentionally chose the bubble tea flavour same as hers just to signal to her. Then there was one-time I paid for her lunch when we were having one with our other friends. So, basically, I didn’t expect much from her just symbolism that she is different and special to me compared to the others.


Just for your information, most of those friends whom I had crushes on are taken as in have a boyfriend or married in a straight way. I don’t like to destroy marriages even though sometimes my brain said love is love or love wins. But if I have a choice, I will not do anything to what I feel except for flirting and let myself do things that could make me feel I have achieved something like if they respond with a smile, that makes me happy. Or if they flirt back, I will be happy. But not more than that. However, if one day it will happen that there is a response not just a minor response, I think I will let time decide.
​
As for the one I wrote to and about in my new book, Letters of a Thousand Speeches, she is the only one that I did to this extent. Like sending food and gifts to her home, paying for her food or drinks when we go out with friends, and also the last gesture I had with her was to cook a birthday spread for her like I was so surprised.


For the past 10 years, I have never cooked for a girl. But this I did. Oh wait, I did one time and send to that neighbour of mine whom I have a crush with. By the way, I heard she is back from Australia now as in while I am recording this. I have been hoping to see her downstairs my apartment for the past week. Hahaha but part of me also said, “Eh, not again!” Because if this happens, it will be repetition of what had happened like 4 or 5 years ago. It will be a repetition, like a cycle. I decided to tell myself, Stop, No.


Did you all ever noticed the cycle of life? Like sometimes some things happened in cycle. Same situation but in 5 to 10 years later. Like for instance, you went to your friend’s house to collect cookies on 5 June 2018, then on 5 June 2020, you are at her house again for lunch. So in my case, this is like 6 years ago, when I decided it is time to move on from her, I had my attention to this neighbour of mine. She was the one I met during election day, if you followed my story earlier. Then now, it happens again. But also, at the back of mind, I really want this time to be something different. I cannot say it.


Back to the Letters of a Thousand Speeches storyline, so when I cooked the birthday spread for my friends, I have my well-prepared excuses to those other two friends because they will be wondering why I had cooked like 6 dishes for her birthday although that birthday celebration is for our friend’s birthday that falls on the same month. The excuse was, “Hey, she put in so much effort to cook when celebrating our birthdays that day. If we were to buy this time, it clearly shows that we don’t put in effort.” Pfffttt.. anyone who trust me on that reasons I gave, really, I don’t know what to say.
​
So now, whether you want this to be discreet or not to your other spectators especially the girl you like, is really up to you. You might not be able to decide now but thinking about the entire time you have spent with her, do you want those to be wasted and she still think you are just a good friend?


Personally, whenever I did this for the past years, I did not even thought about me liking that person. I was not aware at all that my actions was an automatic response to my feelings towards those friends I was into. Like I said only the many things that happened recently made me aware of what those actions actually meant to me. And this time I didn’t stop myself from doing so. Why should I? If they don’t feel the same way is okay. They have their own life which they can choose the best for themselves. While I chose to entertain myself and show them my affection through those gifts and words and also my time. And I chose that way and so far, have and still satisfied about whatever I had committed myself to. So, whatever you decide for yourself, just make sure that you decide it logically too yeah.  


One thing I realized though that these girls are genuinely happy when I did that to them. Even the girl that I spent time with when I was having vacation in Canada. She spent her time cooking for me breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner. She called me to her place. So, when I gave some stuffs to her or pay for our lunch and dinner outside, it is like a give and take response. Like I think it is some kind of a human nature that they could feel that it is a genuine gesture, of course sometimes people probably might not even noticed what it is. It doesn’t matter.
​

So if ever you feel like making something nice to that girl you are interested in doesn’t matter at which level is your cooking skills, just do it! If you ever feel like you want to pay for her meals on that day, just do it! Because I feel like time is short. You will not know what will happen later or days after when the feelings faded or when there is no other time that you could do the same thing. Whenever you are doing these, for me I believe like, be at that moment and it is okay if she doesn’t feel the same way towards you. At least you tried. ​
Alright guys. I am gonna end this episode here. To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, it is now available in Amazon, Barnes and Nobles and other online bookstores. If you purchase directly from our website (www.winterscribbler.com), you will be getting the book at a better rate. Currently, we have a gift box which is called the book release package is already available for purchase in our website. 
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To support us in creating more contents, be our patron and receive additional benefits with your membership such as free books from our publishing company, behind the scenes episodes, tutorials and many other benefits linked to our sister company, Grapholistic International.

At the meantime, I will see you in the next episode. Take good care of yourself. Bye.

​
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TRAILER - Letters of a Thousand Speeches by S.Sulianah

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INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 3
PHYSICALLY CLOSE

This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations. 
​​Visit www.winterscribbler.com for collections of books, poetry and graphics by diverse talents of artists and writers. ​
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Hi Everyone! Welcome back! This time I am trying to take the risk of talking about this certain part in this episode, which is about physical closeness, a much more further in depth descriptions. I have been contemplating whether to talk about this topic initially. But because it is kind of a big part of the storyline in this poem, for this time, I am taking another risk to talk about this.

I believed physical closeness is an important factor in any type of relationships or for this case whenever we are attracted to a person. By the way, in my podcast, I am not able to tell you what to do and what not to do when you are dating or flirting because I don’t think I am experienced or knowledgeable in that area to give professional suggestions.

You can actually surf in the internet. There are a lot of other YouTubers and Podcasters who are very good at this. In fact, I myself will look into their videos whenever I need more information.  You can check out some of my favourite Youtubers, Rose and Rosie, Alexis and Lillian, Cammie Scott, Amy Ordman and many others for anything related to WLW relationship.​​
​
POEM/EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES​
I have never stood still staring at someone else like how I did yesterday with you. You were on your motorbike, riding in the lot, passing among the others, making your gorgeous self-known to everyone.
​
My heart stopped beating.
​
I could not stop smiling the whole time since you arrived.
Surprisingly, my brain and the blood pumping to my heart could still function the whole time my eyes were fixated on you.
​
You never stopped smiling after you got off from your bike with grace.
When you walked toward us, I had to stop holding my
breath to revive my whole being again.
​
That beautiful, dimpled smile of yours. You looked so
beautiful under the dim streetlight. Charming and stunning.
 
That smile could probably warm anyone from the cold winter.​​
To be physically attracted to someone is not unusual. But what about when something else in your body felt different. The first time I have felt this was during one of those nights we went out together. Holding hands, brushing fingers, standing so close were and are still common which I feel like I will do with friends who I am comfortable with but most of the times are with those I am interested in.

But with her, it was something else.

I remember that night clearly. And I could still remember how she would smile while she was on her yellow motorbike. That was the first time I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I didn’t even say hi to her when she approached me because I was enticed by her eyes looking at me. She didn’t even look at her friend who was standing beside me.

And then throughout that night, we sat so close together while we were entertained by the live music at Timbre.

This same feeling and moment occurred very often whenever I was with her. I will hold her hand whenever I had the chance to even though at times I will control myself in case it will be uncomfortable for her.

So, what I realized is that our physical touches usually happen naturally. We still continued the same even though once or twice, it seems like she did not like it when I am too close to her. So, when someone is not comfortable, you have to learn to distance yourself. Like learn to read the room and what are the responses by the person you are with. I feel like this is important to just make sure that we are not selfish and not making others feel uncomfortable around us.


I did speak to a friend about this like Harry and a few others who are straight. Harry told me that if this happened between him and a girl, it is very much clearer, and he wonders why it is so complicated for us. He meant it in a good way though because when he is with girls he went out for a date with, they showed signals and it meant what it is. I also took the opportunity to ask my friends who are women similar questions whether do they hold hands like that with their closest gal friends? Whether they behave the ways I explained to them. And their reply were normally like “No”. They are close in some way but they don’t hold hands like that. Actually, neither do I with my friends. The only ones I did hold hands very long like how I did with this girl I am talking about could be like 2 or 3. Not as often. Maybe like once in a blue moon when we are playing around or kidding around. So, yeah.​
​
POEM/EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES


We left you behind. I heard you whispering, like pleading behind me.
I gave up my egotistical view of the possibilities of why you disappeared these past years. I turned to you, held your back and let you walk ahead instead.
 
My core throbs
Thinking of that moment.
​

This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations.​
And only recently, whenever I imagined myself with her, I knew this is not only about me interested in her. I want her in many other ways.  It became more intense after that night in the rooftop. Okay, imagination is one thing which we all can be fantasizing, but when it happened in real life, that is another story. What do you have to do? How do you have to react? Should you play hard to get? Do you have to remind yourself what if she breaks your heart again? The impact of that one night makes a lot of difference on how I handle things. That is one way I learnt.


So, those physical touches, like what I had said is very significant in a relationship. But how about text messages that you sent to each other? Those texts not only about how are you, but also sharing photos of what both of you are eating, what you are cooking. It is not once in awhile, it is very often.


How about making you feel special, inviting only you to her home and cook for you, chatting until 1.30am, and finding reasons to meet? And those kinds of actions are those that can be confused between being attracted to romantically and whether these are just what friends do with each other.
​​So, what I would like to say here is that, these moments that happened could be as what it is. Like if you ever experienced the same thing, you will be wondering how to differentiate it and limit yourself from crossing the friendzone boundary.


But like I mentioned earlier, physical touches are more important that it affects how we feel towards the other person and vice versa. We cannot control another person on how they behave towards us, like if you are angry thinking that “Hey if you are straight, don’t make use of the weakest link to make me get attracted to you”. Or “Hey, if you are married or have a boyfriend, pls don’t act like that with me”. What I can say here is it is not easy to tell that to people. One for sure we have no idea what they are thinking or feeling. Second, maybe for them the physical touches are just what friends do or affection towards friends in which this is kind of normal sometimes. Thirdly, since we cannot control others, we have to learn to control ourselves especially the part to stand back up again once you fall.


Don’t ever let yourself think that you are not worth it. If that someone says to you, “No I don’t feel the same way” or “I am actually tensed when I am with you.”

Oh wait, just a few days ago I just realized something. Someone did say that to me before and I wonder why? Cos I am known as the most calmest person. My friends always told me that. Even if I have presentation in class or even when have my first sales meeting with a minister from Indonesia, I was so cool. I managed to handle my nerves discreetly. Then I realized something after binge watching tiktok videos and Blackpink video diaries. Suddenly this thing came into my mind. Ah if someone is tensed when they are with you, could it be butterfly in the stomach? Like how I always do when I have a date with the girl I like, or a lunch appointment with my best friend whom I am interested in.

So… this is how you manage and pull yourself back up OK. I mean, I am not sure about my analysis whether it is correct, but with that kind of answers at least it will brighten your day.


You know, normally heartbreak is difficult, ok. But remember there are so many other interesting things to do in this world than just that. There are other beautiful, smarter, more breath-taking women out there who could be that one person. If that girl you like has no interest in you and don’t value you, remember that valuing yourself is more important. Not only now. But for the next 1 or 2 months, a year later, three years later and so on.


But of course, there is a limit though. Once they started to kiss you, specifically on the lips, or do other things with you that you don’t do with your friends, and then ended up saying that they actually don’t feel the same way, then all these conditions does not apply anymore. Then we have to talk about this in a different perspective. I mean emotionally you deserved to be furious about that. Other than that, I would suggest like a friend, you manage this wisely.
​​

I have so many questions before I wrote the ending of this book. Questions to myself whether I am imagining things. Whether I had overanalysed and therefore misinterpreting everything just because I like her differently. I have even looked it up in internet to find out about the answers. One was a video by Alexis and Lillian and another is an article that it is common for people to overanalysed when they like someone although actually it might not mean anything on the perspective of the other person.


So, Alexis and Lillian’s video struck me more because it was the exact scenario I had with her. That night at the rooftop bar. When a friend you like, is drunk and do all those things to you, it doesn’t mean they are interested in you. Yeah very disappointing. When they are straight, they are straight. It does not mean they are not straight even though their actions looked like they aren’t. Those are the advice that were hard for me to accept but I did keep it in my mind over the period. I shared this video to Harry and he was shocked too that the scenes were so accurate.

Sometimes the hardest thing to decide especially is when there is that hidden desire that you know you do not mind if it is with her. When you realized that you started to look at her in a way that she is not just a friend.

Then you started to imagine how her hair would feel like twirled on your fingers. You want to know what her eyes colours are. You want her to hold your hand tight when you are in the train ignoring any glances and perceptions. You will be asking yourself why you want to know why her lips is now fresh pink compared to seven years ago. You hated it when she sent to you pictures but on the other hand you want her to stop sending you pictures of her posing with her coffee cup which she always placed on her long slender bare legs. And then, you want to know why she always appear in your dreams.

Sometimes, the answers to these questions are right in front of us. How we interpreted it would be actually up to us.​
I would like to end this episode with this letter in Letters of a Thousand Speeches.
​
POEM/EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES​
I miss you. That is the only thing that came to my mind in the past few days. 
For the first time ever, I could not hold hands with this friend of mine whom you had asked for my address. Both of us are usually physically close. Holding hands comes naturally when we are together. It does not matter whether she is with her partner or not. But yesterday, I could not. We held hands, but I felt like mine could only do so for a few seconds. There is this energy that is repelling us. I could feel she noticed it too.​
I gave it another chance at another moment, but the same thing happened. I had to let it go.
Is it because of you? Truly, this has never happened before.​

​
To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, visit Amazon.com or www.winterscribbler.com  
You can also contact us for any feedbacks and questions at winterscribbler @ gmail.com​
​
Meanwhile Guys, I would like to end this episode here. Thank you once again for listening. Continue exploring and never give up in anything you are doing.
​For the live recording of this podcast, pls visit our YouTube channel Winter Scribbler. The link to the video and the episode transcript is available in our website. 

To support us in creating more contents, be our patron and receive additional benefits with your membership such as free books from our publishing company, behind the scenes episodes, tutorials and many other benefits linked to our sister company, Grapholistic International.

I will see you in the next episode. Take good care of yourself. Bye.

INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 2  THE BEGINNING OF IT ALL

This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations. 
​Visit www.winterscribbler.com for collections of books, poetry and graphics by diverse talents of artists and writers. ​
​
Hi Guys, welcome back!​
For this episode I will discuss the common themes that we experienced whenever we meet with a woman who appeals to us in some way. It could be from their looks, the way they dressed, their hairstyles, their smiles, the way they speak to us with that calm confidence tone, or the way their eyes linger a bit longer than usual. Or when their presence made you flung out of space.


And when all these combined, it will make us shiver and lose the ability to speak like a normal person. Sometimes, or maybe most of the time our mind will travel to our own world that no one will ever go, when you are only 15 minutes into the conversation.
​
Like for instance, without yet knowing how this person who was just introduced to you is like, what is her name, we will be thinking about having coffee with this person again. It is not even the first time. Then, you will end up thinking about oh maybe what is her favourite dish, let me cook for her just to impress her when you have not been cooking for yourself, since the last ten years.


U-haul or staying together in less than 6 months after knowing each other is a common term use by us. When you end up in the stage of staying together, as a lesbian … supporter, I guess you should be grateful that you have reached that milestone. Because not everyone is lucky enough to be living in that stage with someone whom they are really interested in, and who has the same feelings.


All these lead to the letters I wrote to this person I was writing to in this book. In which, this all started in 2013 which is about 7 years ago. All the memories were not faded. Everything are still so clear in my mind. I could still recall that before that moment, we all had a few dinners together which was about 5 years before 2013, but it doesn’t really affect me that much. Yeah I was aware she was attractive and good looking, there is this masculinity in her too. But in 2013, when we met again with friends for dinner, I have no idea why there is this gut feeling, something different when I saw her this time. Which inspired me to write the following.  ​​
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POEM/EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES
​
​In the beginning, I could feel myself engulfed with notes of worry and fear. 
When I saw you again with all of our friends after years, my heart tried to tell me that you are the one who will fill this empty space. I could feel that when I looked into your eyes and when we hugged. 
I was trying to warm myself by not looking into those
lingering beautiful eyes of yours, piercing through the walls that I have built over the years.​
​
This kind of feelings is considered not unusual for me. I mean if you remember when I met the gorgeous girl from London in Delhi. And to my friend’s friend who opened the door for me. Also, with a few others. But for this story, it is like a short story that became longer than I had anticipated which is the one that worries me. All those fears started to surface. Because this one is something that is happening more constant than the others. It doesn’t subside.

The late night meetings, the late night hangouts in bars, holding hands, chatting about our personal life, her bringing me to meet her mum, her favourite aunt, and accompanying her and her kid to drum school, were all those I have never done before with any of my friends or so-called individuals I have crushed on. 

And the best thing or probably interesting for me is me letting myself did those with her when most of the time I will avoid those kinds of activities to go too far even with my friends. Normally, I will control my involvement and time commitment with people.

So, that gut feeling I had from the night we met, I let it be. I didn’t stop myself from going out with her whenever she asked me out. I will go back home late till 3 or 5am when I hangout with her at bars or listening to live music. And this only happened when I was with her. With other friends, there are curfews even though I was already about late 20s during that time.


I allowed myself to see her in a different angle which is not like with a friend.

Whenever she smiles, I don’t look at it as fake or by forced. Probably it is. But when you like someone, you will look at them in a different light or angle. She has this most genuine smile that will make your bad mood and worries disappear instantly especially with her dimples and cheekbones. And every time when I go out with her, I want to make sure that I look good in a different way not like whenever I went out with my other friends.  I have written all these experiences in the next letter to her in this book. It is very very detailed.


And I remember clearly that one night while we were texting after meeting each other, I did text her that I like you more than a friend. Remember this was like 7 years ago when I was not really sure about myself. And I also didn’t mean it that way. It is more like literally what it means but not as a woman falling in love with another woman in a romantic way. What I meant was, I like her more than how I like my other friends. Thinking back at it now, I feel like I already came out to her. Hahahah but I don’t think she gets it though. So basically, at that point I was in a confident mode, surprisingly.

I am going to share with you another letter from Letters of a Thousand Speeches which personally this is one of my favourite parts.​
​
POEM/EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES

I know you could hold onto that fear. There is nothing frightening in the scene of the movie. Yet, you decided to scream at the end and hugged me. 
The only moments I remember about this movie are how bland it was, the moment when our fingers held onto each other’s, and how I could not stop thinking about you when you were right beside me.
​​This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations.
​
This scene was written five days after the dinner. We went out for a movie with another friend of ours. It was one of those movies I don’t understand the head and tail of the storyline. But I remember 1000% clearly it is not a thriller neither it is a horrifying movie. It was that movie in space, I am not interested to google it now and tell you what it is because I don’t enjoy that movie at all.


But yea, she did that. She just suddenly hugged me and screamed like as if something was scary. Not even caring about the friend who was with us who was sitting beside me. Actually, that time I wished that I could hold her hand in the dark but thinking back till today, that girl really gave me mixed signals since the beginning. So, I cannot blame myself regarding this. Now tell me why we lesbians are in this position always? And how can we not feel special when this is how we are always being treated?​​
The beginning of it all in my case was a repetition of 3 different phases of my moments with her. This is the first phase where it all started.

Just for your information for those who do not know me personally, I am the type of person who will not do anything or make any first step. Which means that if for instance I am interested in you if I see you across the lecture hall when, once my gut feeling got attracted to you, and only you, I will not do anything except smile or find reasons to say Hi to you. Like how I did with that one ex-classmate whom I met for my Masters in university. I did mentioned her in Season 1 if you remember clearly. I will make a move but within a certain limit. Like holding hands, brush your arms while we talk, but that is it.


So that is it. I will flirt yeah but I will never ask them out for coffee or anything like that. Actually, I am not sure why exactly. I was thinking whether it is about confidence or fear of rejection. But if I am not having self-confidence, I will not even talk to the person or flirt. I don’t feel like I lack anything that stopped me from asking them out. I feel like I guess in the back of my mind, I am probably not really wanting to commit or maybe I don’t see any future in proceeding what I want because most of them except this girl who I was interested were taken, like they have boyfriends or just got married. In fact, the only person I would like to tell so much about how I really feel is only her. That too, usually I never asked her out or I will not be the first person to text her.  
​

And when we go forward to year 2017 which we met again and hangout, my heart was already not 100% as was I was feeling in 2013. Because I have made up my mind during that time that she was the one who left and didn’t contact me anymore. So, why should I feel the same way again? And then again, it is not as straight as I had anticipated even though she came back in my life after she re-married and has a child.

This is when it inspired me to write one of my favourites in this book called Another Lie between Friends. I will share with you the first part of this poem. The merchandise for this poem is now available in my website at winterscribbler.com​
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POEM/EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES​
When I say I miss you, what I mean is that I would like you by my side. 
When I avoid looking into your eyes, it means I am worried that you will haunt my days and nights again. 
When I told you those chocolates and fruit tarts were delicious, I did not mean it. I have tasted better ones. 
I love to see how proud you are, pleased with your choices. 
These are lies between friends.
When your knees kept hitting mine several times under the table, I could not understand what you needed.
Frankly, I do not want to know whether you did not like mine touching yours. I just wanted mine entangled with yours.
 
This is just another lie between friends.​​
This happened when I had already moved on after about 3 years of not knowing what happened to her. This was when she only added me in her friend’s list after she re-married. Until now, I still kept reminding myself whenever I feel like my heart is so attached to her.  Sometimes I feel like we have to find something to make sure that when we ended up drifting, we have something to hold on to. I don’t believe in what people say like what she says to me and another friend indirectly or directly that she is straight. I do not put too much thoughts in those kinds of words. Because we have seen so many stories that when people said something like that while we didn’t even ask, they could be trying to defend themselves or trying to deny it. It is like them trying to assure themselves not us. That is why I don’t put too much focus on what she said, or anyone says.


There are some things that happened in 2017 in which you have to read it in the book which are for me very significant for the entire storyline. Because this episode is about the beginning of it all that starts everything at different phases. I do not want to be swayed away from the main topic.


Then fast forward to 2019, after which we lose contact again and I don’t remember we meet anymore after the Universal Studio trip. I guess it was because I was moving on again by distracting myself with other women whom I met and also achieving my own personal goals in life. I was like busy with pursuing my Masters, travelling, and building my career.

In 2019 was when I feel like it was over the limit of our usual interaction. That night at the rooftop bar with two of our friends was the maximum that I feel like this is not anymore, the young adults trying to explore their feelings. It is more than that. As usual I don’t have the courage to start anything, so I was not the one who starts it all.​


POEM/EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES​
Why did you press your body into mine at the bar?
Why did you ask me to dance with you?
Why did you tell me to do whatever I want on the dance floor?
Why did you flash your beautiful brown eyes and that smile at me?
Those are my weaknesses whenever I am with you.​
​
To purchase a copy of Letters of a Thousand Speeches, visit Amazon.com or www.winterscribbler.com
  
You can also contact us for any feedbacks and questions at winterscribbler @ gmail.com​​
If you would like to listen and watch a visualisation of a full written letter excerpt from this scene, please check it out at our YouTube channel, Winter Scribbler or go to winterscribbler.com for the links.

Meanwhile Guys, I would like to end this episode here. Thank you once again for listening. I hope this entertain you or maybe motivate you in some way when flirting with the woman you are attracted to.​
​For the live recording of this podcast, pls visit our YouTube channel Winter Scribbler. The link to the video and the episode transcript is available in our website. 

To support us in creating more contents, be our patron and receive additional benefits with your membership such as free books from our publishing company, behind the scenes episodes, tutorials and many other benefits linked to our sister company, Grapholistic International.

I will see you in the next episode. Take good care of yourself. Bye.

​INTRODUCTION TO SEASON 2 - EPISODE 1  THE MUSE IN LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES
​When people talk about what their ideal relationship looks like, they usually point out those physical attributes. What I think is often missed, however, is the connection between two individuals - how they view the world and how they want to live in that world. In this episode about the muse, I discuss the concept of a muse and why it is essential when you are trying to build a relationship or find someone based on what you are passionate about.

This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations.​
Visit www.winterscribbler.com for collections of books, poetry and graphics by diverse talents of artists and writers. 
​
Hi guys, welcome back to Women Love Women WLW podcast. It is already 2021. Happy New Year!! I wish that everyone, anywhere you are in the world are in great health.

Thank you for the feedbacks and messages that you have sent to me after the end of Season 1 of this podcast. I really appreciate that you chose this podcast to accompany your daily commute and listening to it while attending to your day to day work and while you are chilling at home.

WLW Podcast Season 2 will be focusing on dissecting some new areas related to relationship with other women from another woman’s perspective. We will talk about a topic which we faced commonly, any challenges and interesting experiences when we are in a relationship with another woman in our life, but mainly in a romantic way. As usual, I will start talking about the topic based on the poems, books or any writings that I am currently working on and just completed. Also, from any song lyrics, movies and TV series that I may find interesting to share it here.

As I mentioned on the last episode of Season 1, we will look into this book which I had published recently around Nov 2020 which is titled Letters of a Thousand Speeches, which is currently available in Amazon, Barnes and Nobles, online bookstores and our website at www.winterscribbler.com.
​
This book was written a little bit different in comparison to my previous book which is Masterpiece in Your Heart. It is a prose and poetry combined with letters-like format which is meant and written to the person whom I was writing to. I purposely wanted to try something different for this book as I wanted to have more freedom in writing what I felt at that moment with no filter.  

And there will be about one episode in this season which I will talk about recently released songs assumed to be questionable on what it meant. I will also talk about some books with queer representation and also popular characters in tv series in which their storyline will be more convincing and interesting if they are not written straight.

The next question you may ask is what is the difference between Season 2 from Season 1? Why should you continue to listen to this podcast? Well, apart from probably you would like to listen to me talking, which I appreciate it, I have created something more interesting. Okay remember the quote, Live the live you have imagined? Or Act on Your Imagination?

So, for most episodes which mentioned any of my poems or writings in my book, Letters of a Thousand Speeches that I have selected to talk about in this podcast, there will be a short scene made into film. And these series of scenes will be available in our Youtube channel Winter Scribbler and my Patreon page.

The reason I decided to do this is because I love writing scripts and developing it into films which have been one of my dreams. And also, I feel like I enjoyed watching WLW films and series in which I believe most of us love to. With all the fanbase such as Supercorp, Brittana, Clexa, Bechloe, Juliantina and many others, I look forward to making something which is enjoyable for us to watch not only just to listen.

So meanwhile, I am starting this with the intro from Letters of a Thousand Speeches, the Prose and Poetry.
​
POEM/EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES​
When I told you I could write hundreds of letters filled with a thousand speeches, what I meant was I have done it since the day we met again seven years ago. 
Your kindness, attention, protectiveness, wit and curiosity have lit up my life. Every time you smile, it seeps into my mind, begging to be in my memory. 
The way you laughed and how you hid that beautiful shy smile puts me to sleep at night. 
I thought I had lost all this seven years ago. And then you came back.​
When I told you I could write hundreds of letters filled with a thousand speeches, what I meant was I have done it since the day we met again seven years ago.
 Your kindness, attention, protectiveness, wit and curiosity have lit up my life. Every time you smile, it seeps into my mind, begging to be in my memory.
 
The way you laughed and how you hid that beautiful shy smile puts me to sleep at night.
 
I thought I had lost all this seven years ago. And then you came back.​
Remember I have mentioned about this specific someone in Season 1. I believed you guys have personally experienced this kind of situation at least once in your lifetime. There is always that specific someone who is different from the others, doesn’t matter whether it is just someone whom you flirt with or be in relationship with. That someone whom you feel more comfortable to share about yourself in comparison to when you are with your friends.

That someone who makes your heart shrink when you think about them. This someone will make you smile, and you can feel your cheeks heat up. And this someone will not only make your mind imagined those moments that you think will never exist, but she will make you need something that you never knew you wanted when you are with others.

Poets and writers call this someone… the muse.​
This podcast episode is brought to you by Winter Scribbler Publishing. Where reality and imagination turn into delicate harmony of scripts and illustrations.
​As a person who likes to write in my own diary and remember significant details whenever I am with someone I am and was interested in, I will normally write the moments I will enjoy or have with them during the day. And these inspirations normally come in me without being forced to. So, for instance, I used to express my feelings towards some of my friends who I went out with, I am talking here about those I have crushed on written in my diary. I started maybe since I was in secondary school, writing like this. Then eventually, the words I wrote became poems.

These doesn’t come with anyone I have crushed on. But I realised since 2013, whenever I went out with her, words come out freely in poetry. Even after I came back from going out with her probably until 3am or 5am, I will not be able to sleep straight away and ended up writing about our time together or whatever I feel at that moment.

When she stopped contacting me, for about 2 years, I could not recall any new piece about love and romance in my poems. And then, when she came into my life again in 2017, every new words and experiences came into place again and the poems just automatically developed on its own. And I realised that it is more smooth than the usual ones I wrote about others.
​
​Initially, I don’t believe when writers or song writers talked about the muse in their songs. I mean what is the big deal? But then, when it happened to me, I knew this is a thing. I guess muse is something that motivates you. A muse is that someone who makes you feel special and you feel it too although it might not mean they feel the same way. So, that two-way feelings is still subjective.

A close friend of mine let us name her Friya. Friya asked me recently, how did I even have the idea to write those poems, how can I even write something? She asked me. FYI, I considered her as one of those smartest friends I have who knew what to ask from me especially if she knows I keep things in secret, or she suspected something about someone I am with or interested in. The only reply I could say was, “I don’t know, sometimes some ideas just come by and it will automatically motivate me to write.” Like I said, I could feel my friend knows something is going on because she doesn’t look convinced with my replies.​
Meanwhile, I would like to share with you regarding the significance of the artwork in Letters of a Thousand Speeches and how the contents are presented. The cover art is made by Ikrima Art Studio. The woman portrayed on the cover page has the same features as the main character in the poems. The hair colour especially, the hair length and slight curls. Everything that I requested; he could make it so much better than my imagination. And the one that I didn’t expect was that he made it look luxurious. I think the colours combination are very good. In fact, his design was my most favourite.

As for the contents of the poems and letters, they are written and arranged in a timely order. The timeline is divided into 3 phases from 2013 to 2014, 2017 to 2018 and 2019 to 2020. I had included 3 beautifully made illustrations by Sigit Gilal which represent these 3 phases. These illustrations consist of the symbols of the moments I had with her such as the rollercoaster at Universal Studio, musical notes that meant something for us which I can say in Taylor Swift term is “Our Song”, our hand holding imagery and many other symbols. Every specific on the 3 illustrations were made beautifully and with a lot of minute details. Personally, I can say that I love it.

Anyway, if you are interested, there are merchandise available for this book like t-shirts, mugs and magnets for these three illustrations. You can visit winterscribbler.com to shop for the items.

I hope you like the introduction of this book and its backstory because I feel it is better to share with you how this book come about just so you know where the episodes and experiences are coming from. It has so much significance for me and I feel like it is one of the main life-changing experiences in my journey. And I hope you will enjoy reading it.​
I would like to end this episode with this:
​​

EXCERPT FROM LETTERS OF A THOUSAND SPEECHES

Remember when both of us were asking each other,
whether poems are inspired when we are sad or when we have everything in our lives? 
I knew what it was, ……… but I had no courage to tell you. 
That one muse.​
​
To purchase a copy, visit Amazon.com or www.winterscribbler.com  
You can also contact us for any feedbacks and questions at winterscribbler@gmail.com​
Thank you, guys for listening! For the live recording of this podcast, pls visit our YouTube channel Winter Scribbler. The link to the video and the episode transcript is available in our website. 


To support us, be our patron and receive additional benefits with your membership such as free books from our publishing company, behind the scenes episodes, tutorials and many other benefits linked to our sister company, Grapholistic International.


I will see you in the next episode. Take good care of yourself. Bye.